The October NIBMM Official Recap Post

The October NIBMM was a blast! We had old-timers and new faces, lots of jokes, plenty of booze, and more movie badness than you can shake a stick at.

We usually end up accidentally saving the worst movie for last during our marathons, but this time I think we can all agree that the worst movie was our first: Die You Zombie Bastards! A charming love story about a serial killer and his horny cannibalistic wife, this movie features stolen jokes, bad acting, and more fake penises than you thought existed.




It was a tough slog and the last 20 minutes of tweets were filled with anguished cries of mercy, but we made it through together. Some riffing highlights:

chcircus Cody Hamman
Not even robots and ninjas can save this movie. #badnetflix


gsears3 Bucky Sears
Anyone else think they wanted to make a movie but only had $286 and a love for misshapen dicks? #BadNetflix


CavepearlEKG elizabeth k gray
I wish I could say that I have never had rats in my pants but...#badnetflix


DorknessRising Gabe Klingele
I can't believe I actually watched this movie from start to finish, sober and alone, before. #BadNetflix


Tromeric Eric Martin
@CavepearlEKG It is a metaphor about the economy and our inner turmoil and racial guilt. #badnetflix


comicvixen Casandra Porter
Who knew that the blue smoke would be such a vital plot twist? #badnetflix


vinstem Vincent
Wait, skantily clad chicks chasing the MONSTER?! #BadNetflix


dtvconnoisseur Matt Poirier (DTVC)
This movie's downfall: the wig budget and fake penis budget superseded the script budget. #badnetflix

Our second movie was a last-minute substitution thanks to Mr. Gable, who discovered Netflix had One-Eyed Monster on instant watch. It was the hit of the night, an adult satire with good acting, great jokes, the best exit line ever uttered by a horror movie victim, and a really wonderful performance from the late Charles Napier.

chcircus Cody Hamman
"I think Hell sounds like 30 men being massacred by a dick." - Charles Napier #badnetflix


DorknessRising Gabe Klingele
The best thing about that scene is that it means someone has the credit of "penis puppeteer" on their resume. #BadNetflix


vinstem Vincent
I'm hugging myself in panic #BadNetflix


comicvixen Casandra Porter
Female Torture Tactics 101 #badnetflix


CavepearlEKG elizabeth k gray
So much for Jizz Master Zero. #badnetflix

Napier's take on the typical PTSD-induced war monologue was no less than inspired, and he got a lot of love from us during the film, as did Ron Jeremy and Amber Benson. You could tell NIBMMers were sucked in (haha) because the tweets slowed down considerably while we were watching, but we weren't entirely silent:

glitterninja Stacia
#badnetflix Is everybody ok? Did we lose anyone at the kegel scene?


DorknessRising Gabe Klingele
@glitterninja Depends on what you mean by "lose anyone". #BadNetflix






dtvconnoisseur Matt Poirier (DTVC)
Porn stars suck at snowball fights #badnetflix


Tromeric Eric Martin
@dtvconnoisseur Depends on what kind of Snowball fight your talking about. #badnetflix

The final film was a thoroughly mediocre affair called Assault of the Sasquatch, your standard dude-in-an-ape-suit horror flick with the usual poachers, police, and damsels in distress. It's a remake of Assault of Precinct 13 with Bigfoot instead of hoodlums, so the intent was never to be serious. The legendary Don and Murph have extended comedic roles in the film as members of a Sasquatch Society, hunting down the beast as it wreaks havoc in the city.




After all the penis we were subjected to in the first two movies, it was difficult for us to acclimate to a non-penis-based plot line in Assault.

gsears3 Bucky Sears
I'm looking at the art work on netflix and trying to figure out where dicks fit into this equation for Assault of the Sasquatch. #BadNetflix

gsears3 Bucky Sears
Maybe its a BigFootLong. #BadNetflix

The general consensus was that the movie needed more Sasquatch assault and less everything else, but I think we also proved the theorem that the worse the movie is, the better the riffs are.

365HorrorMovie Micah
Assualt of the Sasquatch needs more Sassy. #badnetflix

DorknessRising Gabe Klingele
@glitterninja The slight inconvenience of the Sasquach. #BadNetflix

comicvixen Casandra Porter
That #Sasquatch kinda looks like #JohnTravolta in #BattlefieldEarth. That look works better for the #Sasquatch. #badnetflix

CavepearlEKG elizabeth k gray
OMG one of those extras looked like Brandon Sites. #badnetflix

chcircus Cody Hamman
Some British guy is lurking through this movie like the Man in Black in Halloween 5. #badnetflix

DrJimmyTerror James Terror M.D.
I just realized... this is John Carpenter acting as Snake Pliskin vs. Chewbacca! #badnetflix

vinstem Vincent
Now, THERE'S you messin' with Sasquatch commerical #BadNetflix

dtvconnoisseur Matt Poirier (DTVC)
When will a movie ever have Sassy's dramatic back story? I want to know what his life was all about. #badnetflix

LupusAnthropos Lupus Anthropos
...and thus ends yeti another #badnetflix movie.

Thank you to everyone who participated! Stay tuned to find out when the next Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon will be held.